Misconstrued Perceptions
by Ryuko-chan
Summary: Ranma finds himself unable to find any of his clingy fiancees.. But when he does, he doesn't like what he hears.


Misconstrued Perceptions  
  
Today everything seemed to be going wrong for poor, defenseless little Ranma Saotome. First of all, he fell out of bed, which wasn't really an odd occurrence, except for the fact that he was sleeping on the floor. Second, he spilled his breakfast on the floor, and by the time he had it cleaned up, the rest had all been eaten. And third, the most important, he seemed to have lost his MOJO.  
  
"What are you talking about, you conceited boy!" Genma shouted at his son, "It's not any special trait of yours which attracts so many women to you!" he shouted. Ranma looked confused, as he dodged the older man's various attacks.  
  
"Well, how do you explain it, old man?" he asked, less than respectfully. Genma looked thoughtful.  
  
"I call it hereditary.." he said. Ranma hit the ground, groaning. He snorted.  
  
"I'm outta here.." he mumbled. He walked out of the courtyard and sat in the hall, groaning. He was hoping, of course, that one of his fiancee's would hear him and come running to help him. He looked both ways and sighed. No sign. Suddenly, from Akane's room,  
  
"No, Ryouga, not that way!" Akane called. She giggled.  
  
"Well, which way do you want me to put it?" Ryouga asked. He sounded a bit.. strange.  
  
"Well, Ryouga is always a bit strange.." Ranma thought. Nevertheless, he listened harder.  
  
"Well, I don't know, which way do you like better?" Akane asked. Ranma began to get a little suspicious.  
  
"I don't know.." Ryouga said. There was a grunt, and a squeal from Akane, "How bout that, was that better?" Ryouga asked. Akane laughed.  
  
"Much." She said, a hint of a laugh in her voice. Ranma's eyes widened. They were! No, Ryouga? He decided that a little more eavesdropping was needed.  
  
"All right, now we really get down to business.. Shall I do it?" Ryouga asked. Ranma heard him cracking his knuckles.  
  
"WE do it." Akane corrected. Ryouga laughed.  
  
"Oh, yeah." He said. Ranma could just see the shy blush on his face, "All right, here goes! BUKSAITENGETSU!!" Ranma gasped quietly, using an attack for that?? Well, in the context it made sense, but.. WAIT! That was Akane! He jumped up, just as Akane said,  
  
"Don't you usually use your finger for that?" And Ryouga answered,  
  
"Well, yeah, but.. I felt like doing it a little different today.." He slammed the door open just in time to see. a giant rock? Akane turned angrily to him.  
  
"Ranma!" she shouted. Ryouga was standing with his elbow forward, having paused just before he struck the rock.  
  
"Akane, but I thought-" Ranma started, then he stopped, "Wait, what exactly are you doing with Ryouga?" he asked. Akane growled.  
  
"Ryouga is helping me get rid of this giant rock that YOU flung through my wall yesterday. Don't you even remember?" She growled. Ranma sweatdropped.  
  
"Oh, yeah, that rock.. Heh, he he.. Huh." He cleared his throat. Akane raised an eyebrow. Ryouga glanced at Ranma again.  
  
"Ranma Saotome, I'm helping Akane-san with this rock, please get out or help!" He shouted. Ranma wrestled with that one for a split-second, then ran, uttering a strangled and embarrassed,  
  
"Bye!" before he fled the room. Ryouga looked at Akane.  
  
"What's up with Ranma?" He asked. Akane shrugged.  
  
"I don't know, he's been having bad luck lately. Maybe it's some kind of curse." She realized what she had just said, and burst into laughter.  
  
Ranma ran to the one place he knew he would be loved, whether he liked it or not. The Neko Hanten. He was just about to enter the store when he heard voices within. He paused for a moment.  
  
"Mousse, this for you own good!" Shampoo shouted, she sounded as if she was wrestling with something. A tapping sound indicated Cologne.  
  
"Shampoo, just get it over with, I don't want our customers to have to see this." Ranma made a face.  
  
"Shampoo know, great grandmother! He not want to do it!" Shampoo shouted, frustrated.  
  
"I find that hard to believe.. Wasn't he the one who wanted this from the very beginning?" O-baba asked.  
  
"Yes, great-grandmother, but he not want to now! Mousse, come on get in! It for your own good!" Ranma made another face, a slightly more disgusted one.  
  
"They're doing that now? And in front of the old ghoul?" He thought. Cologne made a considering sound.  
  
"Well, perhaps he just didn't want to do it this way." she said thoughtfully. Suddenly, a strangled quack sounded, and Ranma revived. He opened the door, a horrified look on his face, just as Shampoo said,  
  
"Yes, Grandmother, but this the only way it work!" And Ranma's horrified eyes met. a bath?  
  
"Ranma! Aiyaa! You come visit Shampoo when she at work!" Shampoo shouted gleefully, she dropped Mousse, who was in duck form, and he landed splash! In the bath. Ranma pointed one finger impotently at the floundering fowl, and stuttered.  
  
"But-but-but, you and.. Bathing?" Ranma said. Shampoo looked over at Mousse.  
  
"Oh, Mousse starting to smell funny, so he take bath. Shampoo try telling him it easier this way, but he not pay attention. Besides, water at Café expensive, save money!" She said. Cologne nodded.  
  
"Yes, son-in-law. Would you like to stay and help us open up? This will be your Hanten someday." she said. Ranma shook his head blindly.  
  
They both waved as he walked out onto the street, heading for the one place that he knew would make him feel better, even if they took it out of his hide while doing it, but, just in front of Ucchan's, he heard voices and stopped.  
  
"Really, Tatewaki, I don't think I can do it that way.." Ukyo was saying. Kuno growled.  
  
"But, I need this!" he said. Ranma's eyes widened. Here was something he never expected.  
  
"Kuno, I'm sorry, It just won't work.. I'm not THAT athletic." Ukyo said.  
  
"But look!" Kuno shouted, "I've even got plans of how it would work that way!" He said, a fluttering of papers following his voice.  
  
"Ah.. I see. You're really a great artist, Tatewaki, very detailed. But. I still don't think this is humanly possible." Ukyo said. Ranma sweatdropped. This, Again? He wouldn't fall for it so easily.  
  
"But think, Miss Ukyo! It would be a sight to see! People would come from miles around just to see you do this!" he said, smacking the papers, and making them rustle. Ukyo groaned.  
  
"I really would want that to be more of a private thing. I don't want lots of people seeing it." She said. Kuno laughed.  
  
"Oh, a little shy about our talents, are we?" he said.  
  
"But, really Kuno, I don't think I could get it into that kind of position, and we'd have to have all sorts of expensive props to keep it up for very long." She said. Kuno panted. Ranma cracked the door cautiously. Kuno grinned, and smacked the table.  
  
"I'm willing to pay any price!" he shouted. That was about all Ranma could take. He slammed the door open and screamed,  
  
"UKYO, HOW COULD YOU??" Ukyo looked up.  
  
"Ranma?" she said. Ranma growled.  
  
"Don't play dumb with me, you were about to be paid for. certain deeds, and you weren't even going to let me in on it!" he shouted.  
  
"Nani?" Ukyo asked, sorely confused.  
  
"And you didn't even tell me you had these talents, or I would have surely capitalized on them!" he continued. Kuno raised an eyebrow. Ukyo raised the papers.  
  
"So, you want an life-sized version of 'the pig-tailed girl' made in okonomiyaki?" she asked. Ranma's face fell.  
  
"Eh?" he said articulately. Kuno growled.  
  
"Leave, Ranma Saotome, I'm trying to make a deal here!" He shouted, waving him off with both hands. Ranma obediently left.  
  
At night.  
  
"Oh, god, this is really too much for me." Ranma thought, lying in bed, "Sensory overload. Maybe Akane's right, maybe I am a hentai." Suddenly, noise from the room next to him broke his thoughts of what could have been.  
  
"Oh, Nabiki, you don't mind if I have a few friends over, do you?" Akane asked.  
  
"No, not really.." Nabiki said.  
  
"Good, come on in!" Akane shouted.  
  
"Good evening, fair Akane!" Kuno said.  
  
"Ohayo, Akane-san." Ryouga said.  
  
"Akane, Nabiki." Said Mousse.  
  
"Hi Akane!" Ukyo said.  
  
"Oh.. Akane." Shampoo said. Akane smiled.  
  
"Are we all here?" she asked.  
  
"And what we all here for?" Shampoo asked.  
  
"You know!" everyone shouted.  
  
"You know?" Ranma thought suspiciously, "Wait, after what happened today, I think I'm done jumping to conclusions for the rest of my life." He thought.  
  
"It's what we do every Friday night." Kuno said.  
  
"I don't know about you guys, but I don't get to do this that often.." Nabiki said. Akane sighed.  
  
"I hardly ever get to do this.." She said.  
  
"Actually.." Ukyo said, "I've never done this before." The room gasped.  
  
"You haven't?" was the chorus.  
  
"Well, not with so many people!" she protested. There was a long silence.  
  
"Should we get on with it?" A voice asked.  
  
"Yeah!" was the consensus. There was a lot of shuffling, and a lot of moving around.  
  
"Well, is everyone suitably undressed?" Akane asked.  
  
"I'm ready!" was the consensus.  
  
"Let's go at it then!" Akane shouted. There was a lot of grunting and shoving.  
  
"Ok, here,"  
  
"no wait, that's my arm!"  
  
"Hey, ow, that really hurt."  
  
"Sorry, I was trying to-"  
  
"OH! Hey, that's good, right there."  
  
"I'm gonna fall!"  
  
"Wait, don't, here, we'll help you!"  
  
"Come on, let's get on with it!"  
  
"We're leaving someone behind!"  
  
"Well, catch up, and pay attention. It's not like we can wait, we've all got needs to fill!"  
  
"I'd like to try that someday.. At a proper price of course.." Nabiki murmured.  
  
"If you want to, you can join us right now!" Akane shouted.  
  
"Are you sure?"  
  
"There's plenty of room, it's a big floor.."  
  
"But that thing you're using isn't so big.." Nabiki said.  
  
"Hey, it's mine!" Shouted Kuno. At this point, Ranma couldn't take it anymore, and he broke through the wall. There, in a giant twisted heap was everyone but Nabiki, who was on the top bunk, staring wide eyed at Ranma.  
  
"What's the big deal, Ranma-baby.." She said mildly.  
  
"I just, I.." he trailed off as he noticed what everyone was doing. There was a white mat, with brightly colored dots on the ground, and a spinner was in Nabiki's hands. They were playing Twister. Ranma sat down abruptly.  
  
"What's the matter with you, Ranma?" Akane asked. Ranma shrugged.  
  
"Nothing." He said quietly, "Nothing at all. Hey, can I watch?" he asked, smiling.  
  
THE END 


End file.
